Whenever things aren’t going our way relationally, we attempt to utilize some familiar tools to make things better.

We begin building our case by explaining all of the right reasons and providing all of the right information in an attempt to convince the other person to see things our way. This is a logical perspective.

Others like to use shame, guilt and manipulation. Blame is often a factor here. In an attempt to convict another person, they might say something like, “After all that I have done for you …”

Some people will try to coerce the other person to do what they want. They would justify their attempts to force things in the “right” direction for the “right” reason, but nobody likes to be coerced. And that leaves control. We all love it when someone else tries to control us, don’t we?

These ineffective approaches to relational turmoil usually conclude in closed hearts and minds, and communication comes to an end. People withdraw from us whenever we attempt to convince, convict, coerce or control them. They become less accessible emotionally, and we undermine our influence with people when we use these tactics.

That is primarily because we all want the same thing. We all want to be loved and accepted. We all want to feel like we are valued. But for some reason, we seem to forget all of this when it comes to repairing broken relationships.

Reassembling broken relationships is a learned skill. Unfortunately, most of us have never seen it done, at least not well, and nobody taught us how to do it. That is why most of us can point back to so many broken relationships we have either witnessed or experienced personally in the past.

When it comes to broken relationships, we were taught to square off, go to our separate corners and repeat our story to everyone who would listen, which usually didn’t include the one(s) we should be talking to. Then we wait for the other person to make the first move.

The good news is that most of us want ruptured relationships to be repaired. We want things to be fixed. We want the relationship to be reassembled. We just don’t know how to do it.

Nobody likes the tension. We may have gotten used to it on some level, but most don’t like living in conflict. We want things to be better, we’re just not sure what we can do to get there.

Can you think of a relationship in your life that fits this description right now?