Alan Winslow: President Biden: ‘God Bless Seymour, Indiana’


Great news.

Our one-of-a kind President, Joe Biden, Jr., is planning a visit to Seymour in the next few months to honor the unparalleled and active inclusiveness efforts of Seymour city leadership.


Because the President has learned of our community’s passion to open its doors to provide housing and offer any and all services, at no cost, for an influx of up to four-thousand not-yet-documented newcomers from the world at large.

The President is reportedly in awe of Seymour leaderships’ selfless attitude.

Yes, Seymour’s doors will be wide-open to the afflicted and wretched of the Earth.

The city’s altruistic movers and shakers, including religious and economic leaders, cite Emma Lazarus’ great poem as the true incentive for their high-minded endeavors:

“… Give [us] your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, the tempest-tossed to me [i.e., meaning Seymour, of course].”

Yes, send them, the sooner the better, the more the merrier. And we will definitively demonstrate the biblical wisdom of “Diversity is our strength.”

And let no expense be spared. What are higher taxes for if not to provide uplift to those who prove unable to help themselves from wherever they come?

Therefore, we will generously open our schools to all these suffering folk and their children and ensure that every health-care demand is met. We could not live with ourselves if we shirked these modest needs.

And, yet, we, the little people of America, can’t help but notice how negatively Democrat-run elite cities of America have reacted to these newcomer immigrants, especially Chicago and New York City.

How can any sanctuary city in good conscience complain about this flooding of newcomers? They should be rejoicing.

For shame.

Well, send them all here and we will proudly model the true spirit of diversity, equity, and inclusion. No sacrifice will be too great for our city leaders.

And we will rejoice.

We will bear any cost, difficulty, or burden to lend a hand to our sisters and brothers suffering the evils of this godforsaken world.

Build anywhere in Seymour you want. Clear out neighborhoods, buy up nearby farm fields and place as many low-rise apartment concentrations of newcomers as you like, and we’ll show the nation what inclusiveness and a welcoming attitude looks like.

And if our Seymour quality of life suffers, well, sorry, life is tough.

And remember the old adage, “Charity that begins at home is not true charity.”

So, good people, forget the eclipse. Seymour has bigger and better things ahead as our kind-hearted President will soon be setting foot on Jackson County soil.

And remember, we’re the little people. You know, the citizens Uncle Joe has never failed, once again.

Alan Winslow, a resident of Seymour, occasionally writes a column for The Tribune. Send comments to [email protected].

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