Last time, we began looking at the first of four decisions that pave the way toward reconciliation.

While these decisions can’t guarantee reconciliation will take place, they help us make sure the door is open so reassembly or reconciliation can happen.

First, we must decide to get back to, not get back at, the other person. When relationships are shipwrecked, it is easy to resent the person or people who are involved. While most of us would never say we hate someone, sometimes, our attitude, our actions and even our words tell a different story.

What if you were careful to allocate your hate toward what happened, rather than toward the other person? You can hate what you have lost or hate the fallout or the consequences of what took place. But be careful that hate is not directed at another person. You can hate the what, just don’t hate the who. This is another step toward removing the obstacles that prevent reconciliation.

It is moving in the right direction relationally, and it will make it easier for you to cling to what is good. “Be devoted to one another in love, honor one another above yourselves.” — Romans 12:10 (NIV)

To honor someone is to defer to them. It means I have chosen to put them first. We can’t control what other people do or how they respond. We can’t control the past. But we can control our devotion to one another, and we can control our decision as to whether we will honor them or not.

And when you choose to honor the other person, you are intentionally placing them ahead of your pride, ahead of your feelings, ahead of your emotions, ahead of your preferences and ahead of your ego.

Instead of trying to convince, convict, coerce or control them, you decide to learn how to better understand them. You choose to defer. You choose to honor. You choose to put them first. These are things you can control.

Romans 12:14 invites us to “ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” What does that mean? Maybe it means we are not to talk about them the way they may be talking about us.

Jesus said the same thing in the beatitudes. Bless those who curse you. This goes completely against our natural inclinations, doesn’t it? But Paul tells us to do this because we are followers of Jesus. We do what we do as an expression of faith and gratitude for all that God has done for us.