Warning: This column is not politically correct and uses the tool of exaggeration. Read at your own risk.

I loved them as a kid. I love them as an adult. Game shows.

My plan to pay for college was simple: Take a week off, fly out to California from Illinois and earn the undefeated title on “Sale of the Century.”

I always beat their champions, then and now. Sure, I’d have to pay taxes on the winnings, but I could always sell a car or boat that I’d won to do that. If I played my cards right (oh wait, that’s another Jim Perry show), I would still have enough left over for early retirement and use my education to springboard me on to exotic hobbies.

Then I woke up.

Do we really need game shows? Absolutely. They serve as a well-needed escape in these tumultuous times, especially as we interact with Washington.

Here then are real game shows that either existed or still do exist that lend their titles to the ways we do, don’t or might look at our nation’s capital and its practices or politics in general.

Jen Psaki

As the White House press secretary, she has a difficult job and deserves a category all to herself:

“Pressure Cooker” (the place she lives) is where “Everybody’s Talking” as she plays, “Extreme Dodgeball” and “What’s My Line?” (The shortest distance between two points, not just what’s asked when the teleprompter breaks). When a reporter launches a meaningful question, she chides him with, “It’s Academic” (Where she knows the question’s important but doesn’t want to answer), whereupon the reporter asks himself, “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” seeing as that the points don’t matter. That’s right, they’re like the ones made by us reporters that are wholly disregarded. It’s Jen’s job to “Say It with Acting” and to quell any “Rumor (that) Has It.” Ms. Psaki skillfully interrupts the periodic query, maintaining control as she proclaims, “Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me” while she displays her professional prowess in utilizing “Wordplay” to indeed have “The Last Word.”

How we tend to look at America

“Make Me Laugh” is our common response to the comment, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.” We ask politicians of either party in light of passed or proposed bonehead legislation, “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?” We implore them: “Balance Your Budget” (I’ll be sending archived video to the administration) and we so cry because we, as America, are in “Debt” up to our eyeballs. Thus we clamor, “Pay It Off” and stop thinking you have a “Blank Check.” “Get the Message.” We are a “Divided” nation, collectively playing “Taboo” because our opinions don’t matter unless they conform to what we’re told is the opinion of the masses.

Congress

“To Tell the Truth” is what’s asked of those testifying before Congress. “Truth or Consequences” is what can be expected, which often causes many Congressional witnesses to experience “Amnesia.”

Congress is also known as the “Liar’s Club,” where the “Majority Rules” (aka nuclear option) and where the occasional “Dirty Rotten Cheater” is found out.

Republican/Democrat interactions

“Let’s Make a Deal”, what Republicans propose to do with Democrats on a regular basis. “Get a Clue,” these same Republicans and a few Democrats exhort the vice president to secure one, concerning the southern border.

“Have a Heart,” what Democrats say to Republicans —not to be confused with have a brain, which is what Republicans say to Democrats — or “Hava Nagila,” which is what the Israelis tell the rest of us, no matter what our political affiliation. It means “Come. Let us Rejoice.”

And then there’s “Show Me the Money,” what Republicans demand of the administration, especially concerning what is or isn’t being spent on the southern border “Challenge.”

How do we not look at America? With help from the media.

“Small Talk,” “Softballs” gently lobbed candidate Biden’s way in light of the “Headline Chasers” “Hidden Agenda” (as represented by both CNN and Facebook, though becoming less hidden as time goes on), and “Distraction,” what doing all of the above help to achieve, while “Estate of Panic” provides temporary shelter for media pundits needing to be sequestered when conservatives experience victory. This can be collectively achieved when CNN encourages their staff by saying “Let’s Play Reporter.”

Politics in general

Politicians play “Press Your Luck” when they don’t take their constituents into account. Of course, when they “Don’t Know Jack” to begin with, it’s because they govern by what “America Says,” working their plan irrespective of empirical evidence, which is why it will soon be said of them that “Your Number’s Up” (As in, they don’t win a re-election bid).

When one party doesn’t want to be seen failing to take action, they “Pass the Buck.” This prompts those in their charge to believe they’re merely offering “Lip Service” that D.C. is “Oblivious” to us.

Running for office is “Winsanity” to begin with, doing whatever it takes to acquire the seat, no holds barred. During the campaign, “Crosswords” are spoken of the opponents, and the “Party Line” (“everyone else is scum”) is shouted from the rooftops all the while “Who’s Still Standing?” is the subject of increased media attention.

All we tend to hear from both candidates and politicians alike is “Balderdash.” Occasionally, members within a party don’t see eye to eye and a “Family Feud” occurs. Frequently, the differences concern whether it’s advisable to “Break the Bank” or not.

The “Rich List” is collectively known as public enemy No. 1. Some made the list because they wanted to “Get Rich Quick” (song of the inside trader), though their bubble is often burst by “Tattletales” (also known as whistleblowers).

“Supermarket Sweep” may be a futile operation conducted by DHS, disguised as a raid, in order to round up undocumented Democrats. It’s all OK, though, because in the end, “Everybody Wins.”

Miscellaneous games

Like Ms. Psaki, there are some people or groups that get their own category, lobbyists, for example.

Having left public office, their spouse can be heard imploring them “Feather Your Nest” and the response of agreement “Anything for Money” because you know they want to be a “Millionaire.”

And then there’s President Trump and his family.

“Call my Bluff” (No longer applies). “Glamour Girl” (The most recent former first lady). “Inquizition” (Impeachment proceedings. Also describes the U.S. Supreme Court nomination hearings). “Separation Anxiety” (What he had) and “Trump Card” (The former president that makes you laugh).

COVID efforts

Along with “Beat the Clock” and “Every Second Counts,” the efforts made by President Biden to meet the COVID vaccination goal upon the foundation built by the previous administration. Kudos to both.

Immigration

“The Wall” (The object of the game is to halt previous wall construction, resulting in increased illegal immigration, all the while blaming the prior administration for the problem. Once you’ve done this, you win). “Face the Facts” (What the administration needs to do about the border crisis). “Pick a Date” (An admonition to Kamala Harris to visit the southern border).

Some additional games that stand alone

“You’re the Expert” (A game similar to football, except instead of the goalposts remaining stationary, you get to move them up and down the field as needed).

“The Great Day” (Jan. 20, 2021, for Joe Biden and all those that voted for him).

“The Price is Right” (About $600,000)

“Free 4 All” (The administration’s re-election strategy)

“Daily Dilemmas” (Which executive order should I sign first today?)

“Deal or No Deal” (What should we propose or not propose to Iran today?)

“Russian Roulette” (Biden’s Soviet Union relationship)

“Follow the Leader” (What Biden did after defeating his predecessor)

“How Do You Rate?” (Asked of the Federal Reserve)

“I’ll Buy That” (The administration’s spending plan)

“Judge for Yourself” (Biography of the honorable U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett)

“About Faces” (John Kerry, he was for game shows once before he was actually against them)

“Keep it in the Family” (What the Chinese say about political contributions)

“Child Support” (A Biden production)

“Remote Control” (Bestseller subtitled “The Joe Biden Story” by Nancy Pelosi)

“Remember This?” (The president’s theme song)

“Surprise Package” (Describes the ever-changing stimulus bills)

“Triple Threat” (The dynamic trio: Harris, Schumer and Pelosi)

“They’re Off” (The squad)

Conclusion

“Jeopardy!” (What America’s in when the liberties of her citizenry begin to crumble)

Whether we’re fond of the Administration or not, we alone decide if we’re willing to pray for them or prey on them.

What will you do, America? That is the “$64,000 Question.” And to the administration, Congress and politicians of all stripes, one final exhortation: “Get the Message.”

Note to readers: If you would like to find out more about any or all of these game shows, see the following link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_American_game_shows.

Les Linz of Seymour writes the “Humor: More or Les” column. For information about Linz, visit his amazon.com author page. Send comments to [email protected].