(Note to self: A cape fashioned out of your father’s old bowling shirt does not suffice as an aerodynamically correct flying device, evidenced by its failure, resulting in one’s introduction to Chicago’s foremost pediatric dentist)
Twenty-three years prior to the time it was determined the combination of a poorly placed wingnut, a ping-pong table and concrete floor positioned beneath them both do not mix, 25 year-old Joe Shuster introduced the rest of the world to the superhero I would meet more than two decades later.
He collaborated with high school friend Jerry Siegel to do so, and what went on to become an internationally famous comic strip was born. Both had experienced unique challenges and hardships growing up, and when they met, they were, as they say, a match made in heaven. Which reminds me:
A dear late friend used to tell me, “When people ask if I have a match, I tell them, ‘No, not since Superman died.’”
My exposure to the Man of Steel did not come from perusing colorful newspaper frames. My introduction was decidedly more black and white. I speak, of course, of television.
TV went from being a gigantic box wrapped around a tiny screen to a tiny screen worn around a bigger wrist to an enormous screen, loudly complimenting the once-naked walls of the now increasingly popular man cave. In 2021, everything is in vivid, vivacious color, but not back in the day.
When dinosaurs roamed the earth (figuratively speaking), us “dinosaurs” would actually get up, walk over to the box and physically change channels — all three of them — and “remote” meant something distant, not a device designed to help you put on weight (rivaled only of late by COVID-19 quarantines).
I have watched a lot of television since then and movies, too.
In college, I minored in film and preferred it to my major, speech/communication.
After years of observation, I am persuaded there is a supernatural work involved in the screenwriting process, something the writers may not even be aware of — anything from the meaning of the names used to identify the characters to how their speech changes over the course of the film, depending on what has or has not happened to them. I can’t help but wonder if the writing of comic strips isn’t the same way.
Which begs the question: What traits/powers does Superman have that could make life better for earth’s citizens, if he were loosed on our nation’s capitol? (After all, he originally appeared in DC Comics). Let’s check it out.
Immigration
As a “strange visitor from another planet,” he would be in charge of immigration.
He is not unsympathetic to the woes of displaced foreigners and because of a deep sense of justice will not minimize the hard work done by immigrant predecessors that worked diligently to earn their legalized citizenship.
Legislation
With his enhanced sense of smell, he could warn us ahead of time about pending legislation that stinks.
With his super vision and speed reading abilities, he could actually “see” legislation and know what’s in it before legislators needed to vote on it.
With his X-ray vision and super hearing, he would see and hear backroom deals in the works and as Clark Kent (mild-mannered reporter for a large metropolitan newspaper) expose them to the rest of us so we would know who did and didn’t have our best interests at heart and vote accordingly in the forthcoming elections.
Since he is the poster child for stamina — one who can go on and on indefinitely without food, water or rest — he would be an excellent candidate to filibuster any cause, making Mr. Smith look like a lifeless sloth.
Financial matters
Memory Wipe Kissing Ability — a kissing booth to be supported by the Republican Party could be established. Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein and AOC could pucker up for a good cause and the rest of the nation would follow suit. What hot-blooded American woman wouldn’t want to be kissed by the likes of either the late George Reeves or Christopher Reeve or both?
The late Noel Neill and Margot Kidder (who received the gift by transference) would volunteer, as well, and our commander in chief would offer to sniff hair for a nominal fee. Money raised by the event would be used to help reduce the national debt. Photo souvenirs will be available at a cost of $5 each, courtesy of the late Jack Larson, aka cub reporter/photographer Jimmy Olsen for The Daily Planet.
The late John Hamilton (Perry White) will conduct a press briefing, alerting media to the final tally (See Prov. 24:26 and Heb. 10:17). We all need to kiss him or her and forget where we’ve been, where we are and where we’re going.
Superman’s super breath would freeze budgets where needed and as an extra bonus put out all West Coast forest fires in the blink of an eye.
Because he speaks and understands all languages, Superman wouldn’t need interpreting equipment at the U.N., which would make for better communication between the nations, and reduce costs, helping to further bring membership expense down.
Taxpayers would not have to pay exorbitant funds for Superman’s vacations. For one thing, if he needed to fly anywhere first class, it would be on him. Furthermore, he has already been all over the world — and out of it — and when it comes to vacations, he prefers going to “The Cape.”
Brings unity
Superman has inordinate healing abilities, as demonstrated over the decades, and as such would easily and importantly mend rifts between the various parties and the people they purport to serve.
Some final thoughts
Some contend there was nothing originally Messianic within the Superman story, and they may be right in light of newer films and such that brought the same into the storyline. Then again, Superman’s father was Jor-El from the beginning.
Jor-El (loosely translated, “God descends”) is the one who sacrificially sent his super son down to Earth to be raised by and with the “small” people. It is in some respects reminiscent of Isaiah 53.
Superman’s Kryptonian name means “Star Child,” and his planet’s name means “Hidden.” (See Rev. 22:16).
Am I right? Does one that’s “out of this world” help shape our media language? Perhaps Isaiah said it best: “And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” (Is. 65:24).
Spiritual elements aside, when Shuster and Siegel penned their hero for the ages, times were bad, and for the most part, they are worse now. The pair saw the injustices of the world and did what they could through a created being to help rectify them. We still need someone that will do that today. We need someone that will fight for “truth, justice and the American way.”
Les Linz of Seymour writes the “Humor: More or Les” column. For information about Linz, visit his amazon.com author page. Send comments to [email protected].