By Don Hill
It’s fun being a guest columnist. You can write serious stuff, and you can write inane stuff. You can write correctly or just wing it like I do.

My spellcheck on my computer keeps telling me I don’t make full sentences. Well, I don’t talk in full sentences. I write like I talk.

I use the English (United States) language. My computer lists the English (Canada); English (United Kingdom); English (Australian); and the English (India), just in case you wondered why I clarified that.

Mary says I don’t know how to spell because I didn’t pay attention in school when they taught us how to spell. I swear they didn’t teach how to spell when I went to school. Things were just spelled that way, and that’s how you do it.

I don’t remember much about vowels and consonants. All I remember is you must buy a vowel on “Wheel of Fortune.” I think the Greeks were the first to use vowels. They are strange things. Sm tms wrtrs dnt nd thm. (my spell check didn’t like that). I guess they are more important when speaking than when writing. It all depends on the shape of the mouth and where the tongue ends up.

I know the texters have their own language. They have never seen a handwritten letter. They wouldn’t know about script and longhand. They don’t know about Sincerely and Yours Truly. And SWAK.

With all of this knowledge I have, here is a little about writing styles, like expository, descriptive, narrative and all of that stuff. I checked and I don’t fit into any of those.

Mayor Matt has a certain style. I like the way he throws out something and lets you hang while he gets into the descriptive stuff. Then he explains what that first thing was all about. And someone’s quote is always a good way to end up on (and I know that’s not the correct way to end up on).

I hope you read Stephanie Strothmann’s chicken farm column. She has a nice style of writing. I like it because I grew up on a chicken farm. She makes it sound like fun, but I remember cleaning out the chicken houses. Not fun.

And of course, there are the political columnists. You notice I don’t touch that with a 10-foot pencil. And I have tried to stay away from serious stuff, like COVID-19. It’s no laughing matter.

Sometimes, subject matter gets sidetracked. I don’t always end up with what I started out with. Sometimes, I don’t know what the subject matter is.

I remember one time in elementary school, we had to write and read something to the class. There were several subjects to choose from. I chose fencing. I told all about how to build a fence so the hogs didn’t get under it and how to stretch the wires.

How did I know that fencing had something to do with sword fighting? I’m sure my teacher thought to herself, “I’ve got to write all of this stuff down in a book.” I doubt if she ever did, but I did. She would laugh.

Well anyway, I enjoy writing stuff. I do have two books published in case you want some light reading. They are “Ramblin’s and Recollections” and “I Remember My Firsts.” Google them. I need the royalties.

Don Hill is a resident of Seymour and has served as a volunteer at Southern Indiana Center for the Arts for more than a quarter of a century. Send comments to [email protected].