By Les Linz
As far back as Woodstock, New York (August 15th through 18th, 1969) and perhaps even before that, a culture war has been fought.
The older generation is at odds with its younger counterpart. The Who sung of it in “Generation,” and it was a running theme for many a sixties group. It is reminiscent of the times I went to school on the north side of Chicago, passing daily through Old Town by Wells Street, seeing people that you couldn’t tell from behind as to whether or not they were male or female.
The assumptions came fast and furious. The older folks knew they had to be junkies, perverts, and worse, and to the younger crowd, the old fogies were hostile and opinionated. Surely between the two, the truth was found.
The Book of Romans (chapter one) speaks of this type of judgment. Chapter one of the New Testament book of fame notates a litany of evils that the ungodly partake in. And yet, the “Godly” seldom further quote chapter two, which reminds us that they were of the same lot in life — that their deliverance was not meant as an excuse to judge, but rather, an opportunity to spur others on to righteousness.
Like the play/musical, West Side Story — neither the Jets nor the Sharks cared for each other, but the one thing they had in common was disdain for Officer Krupke, and by extension, the rest of those in authority over them.
Yes, the sixties culture youth had problems with drugs — but so also did those old enough to be their parents or grandparents — to wit, “drug” problems of the older generation.
Any police officer will tell you — this country has a drug problem — but most don’t think of it as such for our, “seasoned citizens.”
Many an adult that eventually turned out right speak of how they were “drug” to church or synagogue — but I speak of yet another drug problem — most pervasive of which, is “crack”.
It is the sound the knees make when lowering their 50-plus owners down to the ground. Likewise, it is the sound made by the same knees when said owner attempts to get back up again. It is similarly the condition known to haunt older plumbers that fail to manage the garbage that goes to their “waist” and manifests itself in the disturbing sight of a “full moon”.
And then there is, “Coke.” It is said that things go “better” with it, and it is yet another evil. It has been rotting the teeth of the aging for years, and shows no sign of stopping. It has always been legal, though it had liberal amounts of cocaine in it between 1886 and 1903. It has been used for civil good, including taking the rust off of pennies, pipes, and the very toilets the product soils by virtue of its suggestive carbonation.
As bad as it is, “Smack” is worse, in that we don’t do it enough. Abuse is anathema, but correction brings welcomed change to a youth for the good of society. Surely you have heard it said countless times, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6). That should go for our grandchildren as needed from time to time as well.
Furthermore, there’s heroin(e) — The celebration of female role models for our benefit — sadly, there aren’t as many of these as we would like, though we are grateful that Amy Cornett Barrett is adding to the heroin(e) “problem” we have in America. In cartoons, the heroine was often tied up on the railroad tracks, left to perish, only to be rescued by another, who would become her, “hero.”
We need more heroin(e) rescue — there isn’t enough of that these days. There aren’t enough heroes, either.
Ho(a)rse — Not what the heroine would get as she screamed for help, but what we as aging adults get from yelling profusely at repetitive television commercials for political campaigns, soon-to-be movie crime victims that don’t listen to the reason we shout at them (explaining which path they should NOT take), and endless erectile dysfunction ads.
True story: I knew a guy years ago (when the Chicago Bears were not playing as well as they are now) who, after suffering a heart attack, was advised by his physician to stop watching them, that his restored health might be preserved (Go Bears). And. Like stadium seating, there are the “uppers” and “downers” problem.
Uppers — False teeth midst the rest, sitting at the top of the mouth — often requiring “bridge” construction — which is of course, a major factor contributing to an increase in blood pressure (as happened to me on east Tipton last week).
Downers — Same as uppers, only sitting lower in the mouth.
Ecstasy — What grandparents have when their beloved grandchildren go home after a long, enjoyable, yet tiring weekend.
Pot — what we try to make it to as often as possible — abilities can be adversely affected depending on the level of saw palmetto we are able to consume.
And not to be confused with the Dick, Jane, and Sally Weekly Reader Series, Mary Jane — Grandpa’s first girlfriend that he later married. Known to few, she inspired the television show, “The Waltons.”
Additionally, there is re(e)fer — What we don’t need when we want to see a specialist, given our Medicare supplement. “Re(e)fer” gets you high — and speaking of which …
Getting High — Braving a step ladder to change a clock.
The best drug?
Weed — a verb — what we do to burn calories and make for a more productive garden.
Les Linz is a Seymour resident who writes the “Humor: More or Les” column. For information about Linz, visit his amazon.com author page. Send comments to [email protected].