We usually don’t like agitators. But my wife, Mary, would like to have one. No, I’m not talking about someone who riles things up. I’m talking about the agitator in a washing machine.

She hates her somewhat new washer. It doesn’t have an agitator. I won’t use her language as she pulls the washed clothes out of the #!!@%# washer. They’re all twisted up. It’s all because it doesn’t have an agitator. What dumb engineer came up with this idea? I bet he never washed clothes. No agitator … Bah!

Now I earlier discussed ways of drying clothes, but this is all about getting the clothes clean in the first place. First of all, wife Mary asks, “Why is this women’s work anyway? Why is grilling men’s work and washing clothes women’s work? Who made that rule?”

I don’t try to answer all of Mary’s questions.

Now I have witnessed Korean women pounding their clothes on the rocks along the creek bed. I have watched my Mom scrubbing the clothes on a washboard. I have also watched her use our washing machine at home where you had to pour in your hot water, add lye soap and wring the clothes out with two rubber rollers that dropped the clothes into a washtub of rinse water.

Then she would roll them through again into another tub ready to hang out on the clothesline. And I have watched Mary whistling away as she used our old washer THAT HAD AN AGITATOR!

Mary, as you might have assumed, likes to be in control. When she drives, she doesn’t like the cruise control. She wants to control the gas pedal. Now, with our washer, it takes control. It decides how much water, how much time, how much detergent, and if it is white or dark clothes, etc. And then of all things, it locks itself up so she can’t open it to toss in my dirty socks that I just took off. Mary does fume at times.

That’s not all. Mary isn’t a tall beautiful blond. She’s a short beautiful blond (or whatever it was last week).

Anyway, she nearly falls into the washer trying to get the #@! %# clothes out. I made her a long handled hook, but she didn’t like it. (Hey, I try to help).

So now Mary is looking for a new washer that has an agitator. I know our washer is practically new but that doesn’t seem to matter to Mary. If anyone wants a practically new washing machine that doesn’t have an agitator, we might have one for sale. It might not be in very good shape after Mary shoves it down the steps.

Don Hill is a resident of Seymour and has served as a volunteer at Southern Indiana Center for the Arts for more than a quarter of a century. Send comments to [email protected].