To the editor:

To the man who was never there …

As a child, I recall a feeling of guilt. I recall a lack of understanding. Above all I recall wondering, where you were.

What is a Father anyways? A male parent of a child. This word meant nothing to me. I never had one, so I never really understood what one was. It stopped bothering me a long time ago, until one day, I received a text message: this is your father’s number, he wanted me to give it to you. I was shocked to my core. After 30 years, why now? I’m starting to feel that lack of understanding, a sense of wonder overcomes me, and a feeling of guilt, a deep sadness. So why now.

I think back to my experience at being a father, it’s been an amazing one, all the frustration, all the crying, the tantrums. I think of the incredible joy it brings me, having the privilege, to watching them grow. This women brought me into the lives of her children, and now they call me dad. I love my kids. I love being a dad.

So, now a complete stranger wants to talk to me. A man who was never there for his own kids. A man who was never there when he was truly needed. A man who waited 30 years to reach out. A man, who for 30 years, I never knew.

As I sit here, pondering this shocking turn of events, thinking of my childhood. I remember that wonder a child often has. I remember having to explain to this other kid, who asked about you, “I don’t have a dad” I say. To which he replied, “You have to have one you wouldn’t exist without one”. I remember how upset that made me. “He’s right” I thought to myself, “But where is he”.

I remember thinking what if you were here. What if you taught me how to play sports, or how to ride a bike ?.  What if you showed me how to be handy, how to be a man? What would that be like? I will never know. That childhood, that sense of wonder, was a long time ago.

What is it you seek, forgiveness? You are forgiven. Is it peace of mind? Be at peace. Do you seek a son? The unfortunate truth, He grew up without you, He moved on.

After speaking with you, it appears we are not on the same page. I don’t hate you. I hold no grudge against you, that would be pointless. I understand it took a lot for you to reach out after all this time. I assume we are seeking honesty, and honestly I don’t feel anything, you are a complete stranger to me. You seek what is not in my power to give, you can’t get it back once it’s wasted.

Time is our most valuable resource, once it’s gone, it’s gone. Do not waste it, you’ll never get it back. Use it wisely. You may find yourself in a situation like this one, a father who regrets abandoning his son.

Andrew Camp

Seymour