Feeling the love after double mastectomy

This might seem like a strange title for a double mastectomy, but I feel so deeply humbled and loved that I first must talk about love.

John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

The love I have been shown before and after my surgery has been overwhelming. I have cried because of the beautiful love I have been shown more than getting my breasts removed.

My life has forever been changed to be kinder, nicer, more loving and giving.

We have a community of giving, caring and loving people. I cannot begin to explain what this has done to me. I am forever changed by the hearts of people who have loved me with, flowers, food, cards, gifts and so much more. People I don’t even know that have reached out to me. Thank you all for showing me Christ’s love in ways I never knew possible.

The day of my surgery, I felt that peace that I’d had you all pray for. The nurse told me they’d be giving me a shot that would make me feel like I’d drank 12 beers with no hangover. I was so calm and peaceful that I didn’t get that shot. That’s my God.

I did ask the surgeon if when she opened me up if she could tell and see if it was cancer in my breast. She said no. I was disappointed because I told her God could have healed that cancer so there is really no way of knowing if I was healed before surgery.

I don’t remember a lot before going under, just the hugs and goodbyes and I love yous. I was a little scared knowing I wanted to wake up but never knowing for sure what the Lord had in mind for me. But I was ready either way. I was either going to see Jesus face to face or my loved ones standing around my bed.

I woke up thanking Jesus. The nurse went out to my family and told them I kept saying “Thank you, Jesus” over and over, so she told them they were thanking Jesus with me. That was a good beginning in my books.

The one prayer I wanted prayed the most besides his peace was to wake up with boobies. Well, that didn’t happen. That was so important to me, but after my surgery, I could have cared less.

My family seemed so concerned and heartbroken for me, but for some reason, I didn’t care. I mean, I really didn’t care. I made it through the surgery. The surgeon only had to take two lymph nodes for testing, and I was cancer-free.

The lymph nodes haven’t come back yet, but the surgeon said they looked good and didn’t see any cancer in them, so how could I be disappointed? I felt like I had the best outcome.

The plastic surgeon explained to my family that my left breast didn’t have good blood flow and the skin was thin so it wouldn’t have been in my best interests to put implants in right away. He said my outcome, even though it would be a longer process, would be a much better outcome for me. So I have expanders, which he will slowly fill up to help me reach the size I need and then do an exchange surgery, which will be 30 minutes long and a simple procedure.

I have sat and thought over and over the last eight days about a lot of things, but the one thing I wanted so bad and didn’t get is the one thing I’m so glad I didn’t get. I can’t imagine with the two drains coming out of both sides of my breasts that have to be drained every few hours and the pain in the front of my breasts that I could even bear to deal with implants at this point. That is where we think we know what is best for us, but God always has our backs, and regardless of what we think, he does what is best for us.

Proverbs 16:4: The Lord works out everything to its proper end.

I’m so glad God didn’t listen to me on this one. I praise his mighty name.

So about those drains … I do want those out. They hurt. When the fluids get down to 20ccs total a day, they can come out. I’m praying they come out Monday. That will be a game changer for me. The other thing I had lots of prayer for was nipple sparing. So far, so good. I wish I could show you all pictures, but they are my nipples, and they look good, and as far as I can tell, they are alive. Thank you, Jesus.

I’m incredibly blessed with a loving family who showers my bottom half, who washes my upper half with soap and water, who washes my hair, empties my drains, constantly serves me, prays for me, loves me and is always here for me.

I’m incredibly blessed with friends who come and pray over me, sit with me, serve me, love me and my pastor who wrote a song and thought about me while writing it. Then he came over and sang it to me. I am forever grateful for everyone who has reached out to me in some way and especially those that pray.

James 5:16: “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

I am also incredibly blessed that God sent the best doctors, surgeons and nurses to me to help me get better on this journey.

If anyone ever wants to know about my Jesus and what he has done for me, I’d love to share my story with you.

And now, I’m off to the journey of healing. God bless you all.