Whose fault?

Have you ever noticed how when we encounter relational turmoil, it is typically because the other person sees things their way and we see things the right way?

If you are like me, you have a hard time getting other people to consistently see things your way and to do things the way you want them to be done. If you think about the fractured or broken relationships in your life, past or present, wouldn’t it change everything if everyone could just learn to see things your way?

There is no doubt about it, relationships are one of the biggest challenges we face in life. So often, our tendency is to ask a question that most of us have been asking for a good part of our lives. What is wrong with these people? Why don’t they learn to think, act, drive and live like me? If they could just learn to see things my way, the world would be a better place.

To get people to see things the way we see them, we typically will try to convince, convict, coerce or control them. None of these methods are truly effective. All they do is add more tension to an already difficult situation.

As you think about the relational turmoil you have faced, it is easy to convince yourself the other person is the problem. Would it surprise you to know they think you are the problem?

Over the next few weeks, we are going to focus on ways we can move forward on the road toward reconciling relationships. Unfortunately, most of us have never been taught how to effectively deal with broken relationships. Add to that the fact that we are selfish, our hearts are deceptive and we all typically see things from a very narrow perspective.

Our deceptive heart has a way of always spinning things in our direction. That is why we always see things our way.

For instance, when we say, “I am sorry if you were offended by what I said,” which is a roundabout way of placing the blame on the other person. It is not that what I said was wrong. They took it the wrong way. I would never say the wrong thing. They just didn’t understand.

It would help if they would learn to see things my way, AKA the right way. We say things like “I said, ‘I am sorry.’ Why are you still so upset? I have done my part. If you are not fine, something must be wrong with you.”

We will pick up there next time.

Steve Greene is the lead pastor of The Point in Seymour. Read his blog at pastorgreene.wordpress.com or email him at [email protected]