By Les Linz
Why did Cinderella get kicked off of tomorrow’s NCAA women’s team? Because she ran away from the “ball.”
OK, that’s not exactly original with me — adapted, but not original.
As for the men, the Final Four play today, and winners of the two matches meet Monday for the championship.
Soon brackets will once again be what orthodontists affix in their patients’ mouths or what people who know what they’re doing use to seamlessly secure massive bookshelves to once bare walls.
The “Big Dance” as it is popularly called will be over soon, and the Cinderellas (those that had their chance to shine, contrary to the rate of success to which they’re accustomed) will slip(per) into oblivion, along with their respective “coach” (es). All I’m missing here is something about wicked stepsisters and a giant pumpkin.
I digress.
As beloved as basketball and other sports are to Hoosiers (and those outside of Indiana), there remains a select group less familiar with the terminology than the rest of us. It is incumbent on me to educate the masses.
For the balance of today’s column, I will share what various basketball terms mean, especially as they relate to the social element of our lives, how the media operates, how they speak to COVID matters and last, as we celebrate Easter (aka Resurrection) how they can affect our spiritual vitality, as well.
Social elements
Double dribble-What you do when you imbibe to excess. Single dribble results from drinking merely half of the legal limit.
Goal tending-Steps taken to help nurture your career.
Timeout-Where many children go when they misbehave (and where some adults who act like kids should go, as well).
High post-Any drug czar appointed by our commander in chief to oversee efforts to thwart the unwanted effects of illegal drug use.
Dead ball-Any number of dances held by zombie apocalypse fans.
Media elements
Full court press-When media decides to cover the Supreme Court stories, especially after there’s been one or two vacancies or a prominent senator wants to threaten judges or when they need to present innuendo, conservative views and Coke cans as the dangers to society we fully know them to be.
COVID elements
Bank shot-The “shot” in the arm the economy has been getting from the billions of dollars spent on COVID-19-related assistance.
Blocked shot-When a pharmaceutical company’s vaccine product is no longer allowed due to a safety or efficacy concern.
Jump shot-The kind of vaccination one gets when he or she has jumped at the chance to get it, often after the newest age range group to get COVID-19 vaccinations has just opened up.
Shot clock-The constant attention given by media to see where we are in the vaccination distribution process.
Traveling-What you soon will not be able to do without a special pass, one that shows you’ve gotten the COVID vaccine(s), which serves to lessen the severity of symptoms you have if you get the disease but doesn’t prevent you from getting it, which of course, gives a false sense of security that leads to greater practice of reckless exposure, resulting in new disease spikes we can then blame on George W. Bush, Donald J. Trump and those that can’t take the shot(s) due to medical reasons.
Spiritual elements
Alley-oop-In basketball, when one offensive player tosses the ball over to a teammate closer to the goal, who then slams or dunks it in in spectacular fashion. In like manner, it describes a Seymour church known as The Alley, founded years ago by Pastor Rick Wilson to help hurting people midst diverse challenges, and in this case, “oop” as in when you pass by its current location and excitedly proclaim, “Oop, there it is!”
Airball-Much confusion about this one, mostly because of how it sounds. It describes the condition of the sphere that is shot toward the goal that touches nothing of it at all, which is not to be confused with “heir ball,” which is the “dance” that the Lamb and His Bride attend (overseen by the great Ball Handler) and, not to be confused with “hairball,” which is readily coughed up by many a dog or cat.
Double team-When two evangelists converge on one individual and share the Gospel with or without speaking Christianese jargon, historically successful (without the jargon) when Jesus sent his followers out in teams of two to accomplish that very thing (Luke, Chapter 10).
Dunk-Water baptism.
Slam dunk-Exuberant water baptism.
Fast break-When you eat food or have a drink after having been voluntarily deprived of the same for a certain period, that you might hear more from God than self.
Layup-What we’re to do as it concerns our treasure in heaven (not subject to moths, rust or thieves), rather than on earth, where that’s not the case (Matthew 6:20).
Man defense-What we as sinners don’t have when standing before a just God.
Opening tip-Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much (James 5:16). Not an easy thing to do, especially for men, but well worth the effort.
Personal foul-Sin.
Out of bounds-Sin, which in the original language actually means “missing the (archery target) mark.”
Sideline-Same as personal foul.
Frontcourt-The Holy of Holies, often found in the Tabernacle by those once meandering in the “wilderness.”
Palming-From Psalm 134:2, Lift up your hands in the sanctuary and bless the Lord. Secondarily known as the process of laying down palm branches to make a King’s ride smoother (celebrated as recently as March 28).
Pick and roll-Finding fault in another, rather than oneself, and then repeating the process time after time.
Inbounds-Babies-Transitioned from in utero.
Three-point line-Father, Son and Holy Ghost, as referred to by Don McLean in his musical masterpiece, “American Pie.”
Crossover-When one leaves this world for the next.
Rebound-Romans 10: [13] For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
So how do we conclude? “In” sanity
End line—Rev. 22:20-He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.
Happy Resurrection. He is risen indeed!
Les Linz of Seymour writes the “Humor: More or Les” column. For information about Linz, visit his amazon.com author page. Send comments to [email protected].